In Mourning – The Loss Around Me
April 23, 2020. Even the warm spring sunshine streaming through my window did little to ease my sadness as the death toll rose with the COVID-19 pandemic. “I’m not going anywhere, I thought”…but the joy of summer dresses came to mind and so began a random act of rummaging through drawers and closets, unsure of what I wanted or needed. As if preparing for a funeral or some kind of ninja event, the discovery of an unworn balaclava for cold weather sport became a face shield, followed by a black jersey, tights, and gloves. Not the outfit I envisioned earlier, yet each piece of clothing was selected with intention. Clutching a bouquet of slightly wilted plant leaves pruned earlier, the uneven frail stems only intensified the ghastly image in front of me. In a strange way, the arrangement became a proper accessory—its pop of color meaningful. Turning away from the mirror in a deep breath of relief, I quickly changed out of the black clothes then discarded the rose scented leaves. I knew the plant and its happy memories would continue soaking up sunshine in the south facing window downstairs. Tomorrow would be a better day. Months later, I recall the difficulty sharing thoughts of a virus still yet to be understood. Only my eyes revealed the profound pain and loss I felt within.
